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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Posted at 1:40 pm by supahgurl
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Saturday, February 26, 2005
Nothing could have prepared me for that feeling-- of his touch.
I knew when I saw him here it'd be hard, but I didn't think it'd hurt so much. We've been broken up since November, and havn't talked that much. I really thought I was over him. He kept asking if he was going to get his hug, and I was like, "Yeah." But I kept putting it off, and finally... I hugged him. It hurt soo much being here with him and knowing things could have been different if he believed me. If - I guess I didn't keep my rape a secret. Nothing could have prepared me for that hug. Touching him, feeling his warmth again... it was just to much. I could remember all the time when we hugged before. Then we just chilled outside and talked. He told me he still LOVED ME, and asked if I still loved him. Here's something similar to what I said, "I can't really answer that question right now. I'm confused, I don't understand why you left. The reasons-- I mean Joe, we went out for how long? And you couldn't believe me when I tell you something like I was raped? ..You knew how upset I was, and you just left me with the feeling that you hated me because I 'lied' to you. You knew how much you meant to me, why would I even THINK about jepordizing that? For.. for him? I'd like to sit here and tell you yeah Joe I still love you. But it's not happening. I still have feelings for you, they just aren't like they used to be-- not as strong. For now we just have to be friends or nothing at all..." He just nodded his head and said, "Okay."
I just never thought seeing him could hurt soo bad...
Posted at 11:09 am by supahgurl
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I don't care if you believe me, but I never cheated on you.
Joey, do you really think I was cheating on you with Scott? I never really told you the whole story, so here it is:
I never cheated on you, it's WRONG. I would never do that. While Scott and I went out he forced me to have sex with him several times, but I thought it was okay because we were going out. Then we broke up and he kept making me do it. I know you don't understand why I kept talking to him, but it's because I was scared he was going to come through with his threats. To this day I'm scared to be home alone. But anyways, I talked to Tiff, who told me that it was rape. I think we had consentual sex once. I was just too tired to fight him on again. So I just layed there. Joey, I swear. I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU! I don't really care if you believe me or not, not anymore. ...I just want you to know that I loved you, and you meant the world to me. You said you wanted to be friends but we never talk. But I think it's better that way because I think it will help me get over you. And so will this blog. I want to move on but something just won't let me. And today I realized that I was still holding on, wishing you would come back. Because I held everything inside, so I'm letting go and letting my feelings out. One more thing just because I dont fucking live in Newport News don't mean I don't have friends out there. So you and your friend and to STOP talking SHIT about me.
I'm getting over you...
...Finally
Posted at 7:22 pm by supahgurl
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Saturday, February 12, 2005
I was sitting here thinking
of the words I want to say,
but they just wouldn't come out right-
so I found a different way.
I got a piece of paper
and I wrote this poem for you,
but there's no way to thank you
for everything you do.
For always being nice to me
and staying by my side,
for helping fix my problems
and never leaving me behind.
For accepting my thoughts and feelings,
though you do not understand,
for never giving up on me
and being my best friend.
For making me laugh-
and letting me cry
and saying you'd miss me
if I were to die.
Everything you mean to me
you could never know.
In all the ways you've changed my life
I could never show.
Posted at 3:16 pm by supahgurl
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It's all about Teighlar!
Timmy is over at my house watching Teighlar til Jess gets off work when they are all going back to Timmy's for the night. Anyways, Teighlar has one of those little plastic sit-on-me cars. Lol, and I was like "Put your legs up!" And she does, then I pushed her. She hit the couch and tipped over her little car, and just sat there laughing. She is only one so she doesn't really know what happened. But Timmy and I found it particularly hilarious. Just felt like sharing that with who ever reads this.
Posted at 11:33 am by supahgurl
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Friday, February 11, 2005
I've known James Thomas since school started this year, and the people we sit with at lunch have known him for years. Tomorrow is his birthday but his mom said they couldn't afford to have a party, and I knew he was down about it. So all week I've been planning on todays lunch when we would sing him happy birthday and give him the cards we had either bought, or made. Well needless to say I'm the ONLY one who gave him a card. I bought him a really cool card lol, and a 10$ gift card to KMART and a 5$ bill. Because the lady at KMART insisted she could NOT put 15$ on a gift card so I got mad called her a bitch and got my stuff. Anywhoo. No one else even bothered to make him a card. I brought him a piece of cake too. He was sooo happy. I was glad I could make his day. But what I REALLY don't understand is if his friends have known about this ALL week why didn't they find just 2 little minutes to scribble some words on paper for him? I mean he goes out of his way to make us happy... all that was needed to make him happy for once was two minutes. I was really dissappointed that out of like 9 people I was the only one. How could they do that after most of them have known him since they were in first grade...
~~>[a.t.l.e.a.s.t]<~~ .][ he's ][. ~~>[h.a.p.p.y]<~~
Posted at 7:12 pm by supahgurl
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Comments plz. Am I over reacting?
All week my boyfriend has been talking about this party that he got invited too. He's like all excited because it's the first high school party hes been invited to. I didn't think it was a big deal and I was invited too. But since my mother is off tonight, and tonight is the party I can't go. But my boyfriend is going and that didn't bother me til two days. When he started talking about how drunk he was going to get, and how many girls where going to be there. I know how guys get when they get drunk, I've been to enough parties to know. And I know especially how James gets hwne he is drunk. And with all those girls, I just like whatever. And I heard from his best friend that last year he want to a party and got drunk and ended up cheating on his girlfriend. And I'm like JEEZE, thanks for telling me. I mean I was fine with him going to the party because I trust him, but now I don't really know because he told me he had never cheated on anyone before. And the sweet heart dance at school is tomorrow night and I asked him for my ticket today. Because just incase anything happened at the party tonight I would have my ticket and I could just go with a friend. But the thing that bugs me most, is how he is gunna fucking sit there and talk about all the girls that are going to be at the party. WTF. Comments? Anyone?
Posted at 3:08 pm by supahgurl
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Sunday, February 06, 2005
Pictures and story from last night.
Posted at 7:46 pm by supahgurl
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Thursday, February 03, 2005
...I don't give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off...
I saw Jed at lunch yesterday and he got his hair cut! It looks really good. Anyways... Last night was yet another hockey game. Norfolk Admirals VS. Binghamton Senators. Needless to say, the Admirals won (2-1). The ref was a total ASS. Because our team kept getting put in the penalty box for high sticking, but when they fucking speared not one, but TWO of our players they didn't get in trouble. I mean it took the players like three minutes to get up. I was like, "FUCKKKKKKKKK!" I was screaming. Then James was being random again, and was yelling, "GO PACKERS!!" Or the crowds favorite, "ELVIS LIVES ON!!"
Yuppers.
Yesterday when I got online and Joe IMed me asking me if I had a picture and I was like, "No..." Then he was like, "Well my friend MIGHT want to hook up with you." I was all like, "I don't care.." Then his friend got on and was like, "I wanna hook up with you and I was all like, "Whatever. One, I have a boyfriend. Two, I don't know you." Then he was like, "You just broke my heart." I was tired of talking to them so I just got off. Blah blah blah. But I wanted to talk to James so I got on yahoo, but his mom was on. So I just asked her if James could go to the game. She was being a bitch, like always. Anyways.. I got to go spray some smell good stuff in my sisters car, because if I do she is going to gimme 5$, lol what a loser.
Posted at 3:38 pm by supahgurl
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Is it supposed to hurt this much...
Please, someone tell me when this pain will go away..
I thought I was finally over him, once again.
Joe and I broke up, man awhile ago. Then I started going out with the guy who raped me, blah blah blah. Me and Joe ended up going back out.
Whether or not Joe wants to believe it, he meant alot to me. He was my world. Then he thought I was cheating on him with, well we all know who. And I told him I wasn't that, you know who, raped me. And he believed me. Then something in him changed, and he didn't believe me. And he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I was really hurt, because he had told me he loved me. Then a few weeks later, hes IMing me. And I'm like, damnit. I finally get him off my mind, and hes trying to talk! I was trying to get over him. Whether I want to admit it or not, I was IN LOVE with him. So, anyways. He keeps iming me over the next few weeks. So I'm like whatever, I won't let it bother me. But it did, especially knowing that he had another girlfriend. And I felt the worst pain I could ever imagine: Watching the one you love, love someone else. Then I ended up going out with a guy at school, which totally helped me get over Joe. But then Joe says, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you..anymore." And I just started remembering everything we did together. And I can't get him out of my mind now. No matter how hard I try. And it really doesn't help that when I do talk to him, he calls me babe, or baby. It just really hurts inside, knowing that he said that he loved me, but he didn't believe me about what happened...
[[ *-.h.u.r.t.i.n.g.-* ]]
Posted at 4:19 pm by supahgurl
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¸.• iTz fUnNy hOw mUcH cRaP pPl cAn
( tAlK bEhInD mAh bAcK...
`•.bUt wHeN tHeY'rE cOnFrOnTeD,
)tHeY'rE likE dAnG...
¸.•´wHo tOlD u tHaT?
Me: hows bein a manager at Wal*Mart? lol
Mike: It's okay, actually I got a really funny complaint yesterday.
Me: yeah? what'd they say?
Mike: Some old lady said, "I asked one of your workers where the crackers were located, and he responded weill I'm right here."
Me: lmao
 Meh
 Tay Tay
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